Eat, Love and Pray in Iraqi-Kurdistan--031411, Erbil, Iraqi Kurdistan

Drinking my tears of anger, frustration and sadness. I don’t know how to deal with all the realities that I have in front of me. Many peoples; many stories. Stories that I am part of, but I wish they were not happening. Not even violent stories or people being hurt physically. It’s all an internal struggle for survival. A struggle to survive in a very tough environment, full of discrimination, fear and violence against women.

A Kurdish guy, frustrated because he is not able to provide better for his family, a very low salary job, his son with a very uncommon disease, trapped in a life that he can’t manage, overwhelmed by the political situation, a corrupted government that imprisons, torture and suppresses all opposition, despite calling itself a democracy. He does not see a way out. He wants to provide a good education and good opportunities for his children, but how.

A Kurdish girl, who’s living in constant fight with the society around her. She challenges the conventional wisdom that a girl needs to marry and take care of her husband and children. She wants to be independent, travel and learn how to help other women that are facing the same challenges as her. She doesn’t like to wear the veil, but she forced to, for the sake of not harming her family’s reputation. Her job is very stressful and challenging. She is constantly afraid of making mistakes and making her boss angry. She hopes to find an ideal man that can understand her and can be open to the fact that she wants to continue working and wants to travel and know the world.

A guy from Baghdad-an internally displaced person-like many here in Erbil, he came running away from violence and trying to survive inside Iraq (as an Iraqi and is extremely hard to go abroad). He used to have a clothes shop in the market in Baghdad, but because all the violence and explosions, the market was closed. He is away from his family; both his parents are sick. His brother in law is in jail and his sister has 4 children. He has not married because he does not have enough money to pay the dowry to be able to get a wife. He left school at an early age to work. Now, alone and away from his loved ones, not speaking the [Kurdish] language-which leaves him with less work opportunities- he has to survive in odd jobs, working 17 hours a day. He cannot complain and has to accept this, otherwise he will not be able to stay in Erbil and has to return to Baghdad.

An Iraqi girl, who also is fighting the society, she is charming and beautiful, very independent and speaks herself out. She fights for her right to be free and independent, in a society that criticizes those two qualities if seen in a woman. She struggles to keep a good job and to be able to be out of the controlling eye of her supervisor that follows her in every step, and tries to decide for her what is good or bad.

Aother Iraqi girl, she confronts a conservative society that dictates the rules that women have to follow. She says there is a line and you have to walk in that line, you have to respect society. She tries to keep herself busy to hide her emptiness. She dreams of going abroad to find her freedom. She does not blame her family whom she says are very supportive and open. She loves fashion and has found here in Kurdistan a place where she is free to wear what she wants without fearing the society’s criticism. She is very kind and loving and wishes to find a husband that takes care and understands her.

A society that still operates on a tribal base and that calls itself a democracy. A system that favors only some; those who are supporters of the ruling elites. Everything is controlled by a few that hold the power and benefit from the resources of the country. The government is opening the door for foreign investment because of its own interest and benefit, but this has its consequences: a very traditional society opening to development and globalization but yet close-minded. We don’t know yet how this will impact Kurdish society, but what we know is that this rapid economic growth brings injustice; there is no equality in the redistribution of income.

Weak institutions that only serve the interests of the few, the few that have connections to those with power. If you need something done, you need contacts, or otherwise, things are really hard to manage. On the entrance of the Ministry of Interior, where I went to get my visa, there is a woman with her children crying for help, she does not have any connections, nor she knows anyone in the government who can help her. While there are a lot of foreign workers who come to improve their life opportunities here, there are some locals, often women and children, begging on the street. I told my co-worker, if we keep going out, we will be broke, because every time we go out, there is a person who is asking for money.

International Organizations that only seek to stabilize the government because is on their best interest to have a “democracy” on an oil producer country. They are investing millions of dollars in “peace building” and “democracy promotion”, but people is too busy worried on trying to stay warm in the winter and cool in the summer, trying to get a job to provide for their family.

I guess I am upset in a way. At least I have many opportunities, as I happen to live in a democratic country [I didn't have a choice]. I can travel freely, follow my dreams…..but my friends here can’t [they didn't get to choose either].

This is a beautiful country, with a rich history, culture and great people, but also a sad history of war, genocide and fighting. My only wish is that democracy will come to Kurdistan from a freely elected government, not from fear of the past or tribalism. There is a need for the development of strong institutions that support civil society and participation in an environment that is inclusive of all, men and women. This will take time… on the meantime, I’m here, listening, sharing my sadness, tears and stories, that one day people read them and know how I feel as I Eat, Love and Pray in Iraqi-Kurdistan!!

On Iraqi Realities and Unrealities, Erbil, Iraq 011211

The past two weeks have been overwhelming. A 17-year-old Palestinian shot by the settlers in Beit Ommar. Closely following the events in Egypt and just wanting to be in that same Tahrir Square I was a little bit more than a year ago. But now is different, last year it was just us, internationals standing in Tahrir Square, but now, it just lifts my heart to see it filled with Egyptians both young and old, women and men, Christian and Muslims. The images are just so empowering. When I was there two months ago, I never imagined that this will unfold, otherwise I would have stayed there.

I cannot find words to express how I feel. Sometimes angry, sad, and sometimes frustrated. Sometimes grateful for the freedom I have, just by virtue of being born American. I find myself just living the Iraqi reality, where basic things such as electricity are unavailable most of the time. I will be writing a more deep analysis on that soon, but for now just know that it is even a struggle to take a hot shower, because of the lack of electricity, so that happens only once or twice a week. I took a shower today, well, a half shower. I really lost count on when was my last shower. My roommate makes fun of me, and tells me to thank the Ministry of Electricity.

Electricity is an issue, but there is gas and tea to keep one warm...


Nights in Iraq are cold, I sleep with many blankets and even sometimes I feel cold. It is midnight, and as I write, the electricity is gone, like every day at this time. There are two kinds of electricity supply, the public one provided by the state and the private supplied by generators. My roommate explained, “We have to switch to the one that is available”. It took me more than a week to understand which was which, after every day around midnight, the electricity supply changes to the state supply and mostly all day, the generators take over. “This is not life” my roommate exclaims every time, and I have learned to echo her slogan.

Snow on the Iraq mountains in Shaqlawa

As I mentioned before, one of the big challenges is being a woman and trying to live in a male dominated society, where women are barely seen out alone. So this has been one of my challenges. Every day, after work, I sit in a cafe that is close to my work, I am the only girl, and I have to deal with all the guys looking at me, like if I was something strange. I can because I am not from here, so my “reputation” will not be stained, nor anyone will kill me for dishonoring my family. But local girls have it miserable to live like that, they don’t have a social life, they just go home and sit in the computer or talk on the phone, and just try to look for a husband so they can be free to go out without being judged. Oftentimes I find myself thinking like an Iraqi girl, as I have been living, working, laughing and crying and sharing their frustrations for the past two months. These are beautiful, well prepared women, they know about the opportunities they could have if they leave Iraq, but there is a lot of pressure on them and while they manage to find their way out, they have to stick to the rules.


My coworker putting make up on our way to work


I came here to see “the real Iraq”, the face of Iraq that is not shown by the mainstream media, the poor and the marginalized by the war, but in turn I have found another face of Iraq: the face of the internal struggle seen in my own co-workers, the faces of the guys that work on the cafe, and the supermarket I buy my groceries from. The faces of the internally displaced Iraqis that turn to Kurdistan as their source of stability, jobs, peace and security. The faces of those who look fine on the outside, but that have a big pain inside. The pain of being away from their families, the pain of having lost everything in Baghdad, of having being threatened to death and pushed out of their homes because of their religious views. The pain of women being trapped in a society that oppresses and discriminates her, that does not allow her to be a WOMAN. On the same day, three of the young women, who are close to me complained about the same: they felt sad, and depressed, the daily routine of going to work and coming back home, without nothing else to do, no chances to participate in society, to go out with friends, have fun, to be active in their communities, to be able to shape their future. An I found myself suffering from the same things.

A typical scene at the suq next to the citadel, Erbil

An equally challenging thing is having to deal with the Kurdish bureaucracy: that is NOT EASYYY! The Assayish, (kind of like the Kurdish CIA) has to give me the clearance for renewing my visa, which with this bureaucracy, is never going to happen! I was really disappointed because after my visit to the Ministry of Interior and waiting for one week, they just dismissed me with a list of documents, some of which at this point are very complicated to get, including an 8,000$ guarantee letter which someone has to give me! Also, they need a letter stating that I am residing here in Ankawa and I have to show proof of residence, which I really don’t have because I am not even renting a place.

For the past month, I have been living with one of my coworkers, I stay here and there. I don't even have an address, well, nobody really does. If you ask people for an address, they will say, next to the supermarket. I say I live by the Venus restaurant. Is really funny. So, how do you get mail, I asked. "We don't " my co-worker replied. I really confirmed this today, when I was checking the UN contact list of active NGO’s in Kurdistan. The address column was filled with, next to the gas station, behind UNICEF old building, and the like. How do you get your electricity bill. "There is a collector that comes to every house and collects the money for the month". And of course, you pay cash. And about water, people here pay 250 ID, which is less than $0.25. "People here wash their cars every day and clean all the time”. These are some of the faces of the real Iraq that I came to experience and that every day are making me appreciate the freedoms that we have. I have not only heard the frustrations of Iraqis, but also lived them myself. The only difference is that at any time I can take a bus or a plane and leave this country, but they have to deal with them, to lift their heads, dry their tears and tell themselves that is going to get better.

I know I am only writing about the challenging things, but this to remind myself of the beauties that surround Kurdistan


Half an hour from Erbil these are the amazing views of Iraq


These are the things that I really appreciate and that help me forget for a few hours of the other more difficult things.....